Free falling {a tale of returning to work}

I’ve lost our lovely rhythm now it’s gone, gone, gone wooooh 

{sorry to the Righteous Brothers for borrowing their tune and words here! 

It just popped into my head as I started to write}

Returning to work has been hard

Not so much the work aspect, because I am finding that enjoyable

Tackling interesting and challenging work ideas is refreshing ~ like dusting off this part of my mind and letting it dance in the wind… 

And it certainly helps that I work with enthusiastic, passionate and funny people *smile*

It is more the fact of work that is hard for me…

But as my husband rightly said to me… 

‘it’s my turn now’
 

And it is lovely that he is enjoying his day home with them

It is his day... a day to do things with them that he wants to do

It’s different having them on your own… liberating I would imagine  

And I am joyous for the kids and him that we can do this

And having the children spend days with their nanas is also special

Something that I am thankful for from my childhood… 

To have wonderful deep bonds with your grandparents is beautiful

And I just know the nanas love getting the kids in their own space, and all to themselves *smile*

So, since I am happy to be working and happy with who is caring for our children, what is the problem?

 

Mmmm, good question, but at the moment I am sad… 

My children are my priority, my reason for being,... I have poured myself into motherhood {happily so} 
But now as I have to step back, ever so slightly, it is hard

I find myself questioning my values about motherhood and parenting

I wouldn’t say I’ve lost myself to motherhood

I’ve found myself here

And yes, it is not all smooth sailing, but it is amazing

The love that flows through me for my children… for my family is awesome

And I think it has been good for me… 

…celebrating their childhood has reawakened many things in me, including creativity and an appreciation for the simple things in life

I don’t want to get caught up in the bustle of getting ready for the next day

Making sure I’ve remembered all the things I need to pack for the kids 
{and oh, there are so many things!} 

I want to be able to go slowly and enjoy the moments

Instead I am rushing

Rushing to get ready, rushing to drop the kids off, rushing to work… 

Before doing the opposite at the end of the day

I need to remind myself to breathe and to come back into the moment with them

Enjoy that moment

Enjoy our nightly rhythm… the bathing, the story time, and oh, the cuddles

Remember to slow down

I feel like over the last few weeks I’ve free fallen to a hard realisation...

...that I have to reconnect on many levels with different aspects of my life

And I’m not fond of that kind of journey

And so, we will continue to find our new rhythm…. 

this too can be good... and I embrace and accept that